Crypto American/5

It's official: I'm a total sell out. Some of you may have noticed that my once pristine website is now cluttered with ads. That's because I have signed up for Google's Adsense program. Now, in addition to my scintillating commentary and morbid fiction, you will be treated to offers of cheap medical marijuana cards and on-line degrees. I'm sure you're thinking: what gives? Have I really become a corporate shill? I'm I now pandering to the lowest common denominator in pursuit of the almighty dollar? I dunno, maybe. But let's face it, I write articles that advocate the destruction of our planet and how hot I think women curlers are. Is it even possible for me to compromise my integrity? (read more)

If you're like me, you probably have no idea who or what Cinco De Mayo is. Obviously, it's some kind of holiday celebrated primarily by Mexicans. And sure, we all know it's a good excuse to crack open some ice cold Coronas, but do we really need an excuse for that? Breaking with my normal tradition of making stuff up as I go, I've decided to do a little research into this. (read more)

Did you hear about the Pole that drugged and raped an underage girl? No it’s not a Polish joke, it’s the shameful legacy of film director Roman Polanski. He was convicted of this 1977 atrocity (sort of) in California but fled the country before he was sentenced. He had been living in exile in France until recently when he was arrested in Switzerland. He now awaits extradition with indifference to his crime and an extreme attitude. (read more)

Arizona's new law dealing with illegal aliens has created quite an uproar. It has people up in arms and has divided along social, political, and ethnic lines. Which ever side you are on, it is big news. To me the biggest news coming out of Arizona is the Detroit Redwings closing out the Phoenix Coyotes in game seven of the first round of the NHL play-offs, but that's not the subject of this story. The supporters point out that there are tens of millions of illegals in this country that cost tax payers billions of dollars. The federal government has done next to nothing about this problem so Arizonians have taken matters into their own hands. Opponents of the law, knowing they don't have much leverage, have decided to turn this into a racial issue. Racism exists and it's an ugly thing. I don't think this law is racially motivated, but I have uncovered a sinister plan that is. (read more)

I just picked up the new Bleeding Through CD cleverly titled "Bleeding Through." I wouldn't say the band has evolved in any meaningful way, but that's fine. What Bleeding Through do, they do extremely well. They are fast, furious, and pissed off. They grab you by the balls and twist your sack for 40 minutes. Sure, there are occasional moments of harmony and sadness, but this is the kind of music that gets your blood pumping and makes you want to put your fist through the wall. (read more)

Hey, it's April 20th and we all know what that means. It's pot appreciation day. It probably needs a better name like "Marijuanaka" but 420 is acceptable. Weed is big news, especially in Los Angeles where "medical" marijuana clinics have been springing up all over. Also, the state of California will be vote on whether or not to completely legalize pot this November. It may surprise you that as someone who does not smoke pot, I support the decriminalization of the substance. Sure, I've smoked it a couple of times, and unlike that pussy Bill Clinton I inhaled, but it's just not for me. I'm a beer drinker and hellraiser and that's good enough for me. (read more)

Last Wednesday the music world lost a true genius when Peter Steele died from an apparent heart attack. The bass player and singer fronted the platinum selling doom/goth metal band Type-O Negative. His dark brooding lyrics and tongue-in-cheek humor struck a chord with millions of fans, myself included. Despite being a fearsome sight to behold (he was an intense man of 6'8') he was gifted with the most beautiful baritone voice I've ever heard. I'm not here to eulogize this man that I didn't really know, I thought I'd share a story about the one brief moment that I got to meet him. (read more)

Sometime last summer, claiming a sever water shortage, many Southern Californian cities and counties began instituting water rationing plans. Basically, they started telling us when and how we could use water. I'm not sure if these were actual laws, or suggestions, but they sure did piss me off. I fucking hate when people tell me what to do. I don't like government treating me like a child. I'll accept rationing. I'll honor lower water usage, but don't you dare tell when I can water my lawn or weather or not I can wash dog shit off my driveway. (read more)

I recently saw on the news that the city of San Bernardino, California was banned the 40 ounce beer. What? This is an outrage! Actually, what they've done is ban the sale of any single beers, meaning that the tall-boy and the 40 are on the endangered species list. It seems they think single beer sales are linked to crime. Rather than enforce existing laws, they've decided to go after the liquor store owners who do a large percentage of business in uni-beer. (read more)

March was metal month. Don't ask who proclaimed that, just accept it. What better way to cap things off than to see Megadeth, Testament, and Exodus at the Palladium? There was little doubt as to why the March 31, 2010 concert was a sellout. It was the only stop in the LA area for this tour, they were filming a DVD, and these old-school thrash bands fucking kill. And oh yeah, Megadeth was celebrating the 20th anniversary of their classic album Rust In Peace. (read more)

Homelessness is a problem. I don't care if you are a republican, democrat, or whatever. You're a horrible person if you're okay with the increasing number of Americans living on the streets. Granted, I have less compassion for drug addicts that have willingly destroyed their lives than I do for a family that has hit hard times. Tent cities are springing up all over the place. Skid row is full of women running from abusive situations, hardworking folks that have fallen through the cracks and the mentally ill. They all need help. (read more)

A big event this coming Saturday is apparently something called Earth Hour. From what I can gather people across the world are being encouraged to shut off the electricity for an hour to help fight against global worming. Thank-fucking-God! It's about time somebody did something. Wait a second. How does turning off the lights for an hour help anything? It's probably more of a gesture to help raise awareness which in my opinion is nothing more than an empty gesture. I don't care enough to find out more about this magical planet saving hour. Also, there's plenty of NHL hockey on TV this Saturday so the electricity is staying on in my house. (read more)

Not too long ago my wife went to see an R-rated film and actually got carded. I won't give out her age, but suffice it to say she is older than 17. She loves it when she gets asked for her I.D. I have mixed feelings on the matter. On the one hand, it's great that I have a hot youthful-looking lady, on the other hand I don't get why some zit-faced loser at a movie theater has the right to deny people entry. Those ratings are not law. They are a guideline set forth by a an industry group. (read more)

The thing that strikes me the most about advertising is that it is almost entirely wasted on me. I don't wear make-up or use tampons. I don't have hair and my wife buys all of my clothes. I don't do the grocery shopping and I rarely eat a restaurant. I've been drinking the same brand of beer and soda since I was a teenager. I don't give a shit about cell phone plans. I basically just use my phone as a watch. Maybe I'm unique in this aspect, but really I think most commercials are a waste of time and money. (read more)

Okay, I realize I'm a little late on this one, but I just got around to picking this up and it has moved me in ways that few albums have. Steel Panther's Feel The Steel was released late last year and seems to have been largely ignored. What a shame. It's a comic masterpiece. Essentially these guys are an 80's style hair metal joke/parody band. Unlike a lot of comedy music, the joke doesn't get old. This is a real band with exceptional musicianship and great song writing skills. They just happen to sing songs about blow-jobs, venereal diseases and drug consumption. (read more)

I am a sports junkie. I love football, baseball, basketball, and especially hockey. But that's where I draw the line. To me the "Big Four" are the only legitimate sports. Soccer, lacrosse, rugby, and whatever else you want to throw in are nothing more than intramural activities. I like watching pseudo-sports like cage fighting and those strongest man competitions, but I don't follow them with regularity. So in addition to being a junkie, I guess I'm kind of an elitist too. (read more)

This is my first blog posting. I've been sick with the flu all week and quite frankly I don't have that much on my mind. But I have to start somewhere. I have been encouraged by my publisher to start a blog as a way to promote my work and myself as a writer. (read more)