Natasha, with her shotgun, and Jack, with his squirt gun, walk cautiously through the darkened living room. A knife-wielding Mandrake pops up from behind the sofa. Jack spots it.

JACK

There’s one.

Jack shoots it with his holy water-filled gun. It bursts into flames. Natasha smiles.

NATASHA

Nice shot, little brother.

Another Mandrake is hiding in the lamp.

NATASHA

Watch this.

Natasha blasts the lamp and the Mandrake to pieces.

EXT. BEN’S BACK YARD - NIGHT

Ben creeps through his back yard. He looks extremely nervous.

BEN

Here Golem. Here Golem.

Ben looks around and thankfully sees no Golem. He keeps walking. When he nears the end of his house, the Golem jumps out. Ben is terrified. He backs away.

INT. REICHER’S HOUSE/PARLOR - NIGHT

Sam enters the spooky house through a window. With gun in hand, he checks to make sure the room is secure. He spots a big oak door with wrought iron hinges. Sam pulls on the door, but it won’t budge.

Sam backs up and hits the lock with a burst of machine gun fire. The lock is annihilated. Sam opens the door and sees a stone staircase leading down. Sam heads cautiously down the stairs.

INT. REICHER’S HOUSE/LABORATORY - NIGHT

Sam comes down the staircase into a huge laboratory. It looks like something from a bad sci-fi movie. There are burners, electrodes, and glass tubes and beakers. There is an antiquated electronic generator in the corner.

In the center of the room is a basketball-sized piece of philosopher’s stone, being suspended in mid air by a magnetic field. Colorful bolts of static electricity shoot off from the stone as it rotates.

SIMON REICHER, the owner of the bony hand, stands at a table mixing compounds. He is a sinister looking man in his sixties. He has wild flowing white hair, thick glasses, and is dressed in a black robe adorned with mystical symbols.

Sam steps into the laboratory, gun at the ready. Reicher looks up and grimaces.

SAM

You must be the one that taught these good people the ways of the Devil.

REICHER

Just having a little fun.

SAM

The fun is over.

REICHER

I was wondering how long it would take you to come for me.

Something in Sam is triggered by Reicher’s voice.

SAM

I know you.

REICHER

Of course you do, Sam. We are old friends.

Sam looks on in horror.

DISSOLVE TO:

FLASHBACK:

INT. GROTTO - NIGHT

Sam is back in the grotto. His parents lie dead on the altar. The Dark Priest approaches him, and Sam can now see his face. It is none other than Simon Reicher.

END FLASHBACK:

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. REICHER’S HOUSE/LABORATORY - NIGHT

Sam’s face grows angry. He points the gun at Reicher.

SAM

You are the dark priest who killed my Mother and Father.

Reicher laughs.

REICHER

Yes, that was when I was younger and less enlightened. I used to think that a blood sacrifice would bring me power. Now that I’m much wiser...

Reicher conjures up a ball of light and throws it at Sam. The ball causes Sam’s gun to melt right out of his hands.

REICHER

...I know what true power is.

Reicher walks towards Sam. He stops by the suspended philosopher’s stone.

REICHER

The philosopher’s stone has allowed me to harness the power of evil. It took years of experimenting, but I finally unlocked the secret. I only need one more ingredient to have all the energy in hell at my disposal.

SAM

What ingredient would that be?

Reicher smiles.

REICHER

The blood of a holy man.

Reicher holds his hands above his head. Neon bolts of blue lightning shoot from his hands and strike Sam. He is brought to his knees by the bolts.

REICHER

I just had a novel idea. You’re a holy man. Perhaps I could use your blood.

Sam whips a throwing cross at Simon. Reicher catches and crumples the metal into a ball.

REICHER

Is that the best you can do?

Sam charges Reicher and tackles him. He gets on top of Reicher and begins choking him. Simon laughs, then disappears. Sam finds himself choking air. Reicher reappears, standing behind Sam

REICHER

Over here.

Sam gets up and faces Reicher.

SAM

Your parlor tricks won’t be enough to save you.

REICHER

Not parlor tricks, magik.

Reicher balls up his fist. His fist becomes a ball of green flame. He slugs Sam in the face, sending him sailing through the air. Sam crashes into a work bench.

REICHER

Powerful magik.

Using magic, Reicher levitates Sam and moves him against the wall. Clamps come out of the wall and wrap around Sam’s torso, holding him in place.

SAM

You won’t get away with this, you evil son-of-a...

Reicher shoots a magic beam from his finger that causes Sam to freeze.

REICHER

Silence! I have to prepare for your blood. Then I can unleash the total power of the philosopher’s stone.

Reicher goes to his work table and begins arranging his equipment.

INT. JIMBO’S HOUSE/STAIRS - NIGHT

Lorenzo, still holding the pistol, walks slowly up the stairs.

INT. JIMBO’S HOUSE/DEN - NIGHT

Jimbo is still on the sofa. The crossbow, holy water, crucifix, and rifle are all within reaching distance. The Zombie, Ty, and Jenny enter the room. They advance slowly on Jimbo. He picks up the crossbow and fires.

The arrow has no effect on the Zombie.

JIMBO

Crap.

Jimbo picks up the rifle and fires at Ty. Nothing happens.

JIMBO

Oh yeah, I already new that didn’t work.

Jimbo drops the rifle and grabs the holy water spray. He hits Jenny with the water. Nothing happens.

JIMBO

Nope.

Jimbo throws the crucifix at the Zombie. It bounces off his head.

JIMBO

Nope, again.

Jimbo stands up just as the Zombies reach him.

JIMBO

Screw this.

Jimbo pushes through the zombies and limps away on his bad leg.

INT. JIMBO’S HOUSE/BEDROOM - NIGHT

Jack and Natasha are killing several Mandrakes in the bedroom. They don’t notice Lorenzo, holding the pistol, as he enters the room.

EXT. BEN’S BACK YARD - NIGHT

The Golem is chasing Ben around the back yard. Ben gets behind the Golem and leaps on it’s back.

BEN

Gotcha!

The Golem reaches around it’s back and grabs Ben. The Golem pulls Ben off it’s back and holds him with both hands. The Golem starts to squeeze. Ben’s eyes bulge out. Ben tries to reach the writing on the Golem’s forehead.

INT. REICHER’S HOUSE/LABORATORY - NIGHT

Sam is still clamped to the wall in a state of suspended animation. Reicher puts a large metal vat under Sam’s feet. Reicher grabs a piece of equipment that looks like a four foot long power drill.

At the end of the drill are several sharp rotors. Reicher snaps his fingers and Sam is unfrozen.

REICHER

Are you ready to help me become immortal?

SAM

Unclasp me you coward. Fight me like a man.

Reicher laughs.

REICHER

This is not a matter of honor. It’s about becoming a living god.

SAM

Or demon.

Reicher starts up his impressive drill. It sounds like a CHAINSAW, as the rotors spin.

REICHER

Don’t look so sad. At least you’ll be reunited with your parents.

Sam struggles to get free as Reicher moves the spinning rotors close to him. Sam gets his hand on the clasp that binds him. He discovers that it’s slightly loose. He works frantically to undo it.

INT. JIMBO’S HOUSE/BEDROOM - NIGHT

Lorenzo grabs Natasha and pushes her down. Her shotgun falls under the bed. Jack unloads with his squirt gun. Lorenzo whacks Jack across the face, knocking him down. Natasha jumps up and Grabs Lorenzo. They struggle.

EXT. BEN’S BACK YARD - NIGHT

Ben is still in the clutches of the Golem. He is almost to the point of being crushed to death. With his last ounce of strength, Ben manages to rub off the E in “EMETH”, on the Golem’s forehead.

With only “METH” left on his head, the Golem ceases to move. It no longer has life. Ben smiles.

BEN

I did it.

Ben tries to get out of the Golem’s hands, but realizes that he’s stuck.

BEN

Oy vey.

Ben struggles furiously to get out.

INT. JIMBO’S HOUSE/BEDROOM - NIGHT

Lorenzo and Natasha are still struggling. Lorenzo pushes Natasha against the wall. She bumps her head and falls unconscious. Lorenzo looks at the pistol in his hand. He points the pistol at Natasha. Jack cries out.

JACK

No, don’t!

Lorenzo pulls the hammer back and puts his finger on the trigger. Just as he’s about to fire, Jimbo flies into the room and grabs Lorenzo. There is a loud BANG as the gun goes off. Jimbo’s eyes grow wide as he drops to his knees.

JACK

Dad!

Blood is coming from Jimbo’s stomach. Jimbo smacks the gun out of Lorenzo’s hand, then falls over on his side. Jack crawls to his fallen father. The Zombie, Ty, and Jenny appear at the door.

They, with Lorenzo, hone in on Jack, Jimbo, and Natasha.

INT. REICHER’S HOUSE/LABORATORY - NIGHT

The spinning rotors are just about to cut into Sam. Reicher has a perverse look of pleasure on his face. Sam struggles to break free. The rotors cut into Sam’s clothing.

REICHER

Let the blood flow.

Just then, Sam breaks from the clasp and side steps the drill. He punches Reicher in the face sending him backwards. Reicher crashes into the philosopher’s stone and is engulfed in electricity.

SAM

Not this time Reicher.

Reicher SCREAMS as the electricity scorches his skin. A high-pitched NOISE starts up and builds in intensity. As the NOISE gets louder and raises in frequency, it becomes apparent that something is going to explode. Sam turns and quickly exits the laboratory.

EXT. REICHER’S HOUSE - NIGHT

Sam comes barreling out of Reicher’s house just as it explodes. Sam is sent flying through the air.

EXT. CUL-DE-SAC - NIGHT

ARIAL SHOT of the cul-de-sac. Reicher’s house is exploding. Reicher is sent rocketing into the stratosphere.

REICHER

You may have won this round, Sinister Sam, but I’ll be back.

Reicher LAUGHS as he’s blown into space. A visible shock wave is sent across the neighborhood.

INT. JIMBO’S HOUSE/BED ROOM - NIGHT

Just as Lorenzo, the Zombie, Ty, and Jenny are about to feast on Jimbo, Jack, and Natasha, the shock wave moves through the room. The Zombie falls lifeless, and Lorenzo, Ty, and Jenny are de-zombified.

Ty and Jenny begin crying.

JENNY

I want my Mommy.

Ty and Jenny run from the room. Lorenzo looks around.

LORENZO

I have to get the hell out of this neighborhood.

Jack and Natasha go to the aide of Jimbo, who is barely clinging to life. He clutches his bloody gut.

NATASHA

Hang on. We’re going to get you some help.

JIMBO

I think it’s too late for your dear old Dad.

JACK

Don’t say that.

JIMBO

I want you to remember that I love you both very much.

Natasha and Jack hug Jimbo.

JIMBO

And don’t worry, Sam will take care of you.

Jimbo’s eyes shut and he expires. Jack and Natasha cry as they hug his body. Jack and Natasha look at Lorenzo with great anger.

LORENZO

Why are you looking at me like that?

Natasha gets her shotgun from under the bed. Jack picks up Lorenzo’s pistol.

LORENZO

I didn’t mean to kill your father. I was a zombie.

Lorenzo starts backing out of the room.

EXT. CUL-DE-SAC - NIGHT

Sam stands up and dusts himself off. He walks calmly away from Reicher’s destroyed house. A loud GUNSHOT rings out from inside Jimbo’s house. Sam runs to the house.

EXT. BEN’S BACK YARD - NIGHT

Ben has just about broken free from the frozen Golem’s hands, when the Golem tips over. The Golem lands on Ben, crushing him. The Golem breaks into a thousand pieces. Ben lay dead among the rubble.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CUL-DE-SAC - DAY

The sky is overcast. The cul-de-sac is littered with rescue vehicles. The area is crawling with emergency personnel. The Sinister Mobile pulls away from the curb and drives out of the neighborhood.

INT. SINISTER MOBILE - DAY

Sam is driving and Natasha is in the passenger seat. Jack is between them. Sam has a sullen look. Jack and Natasha are still in tears. Sam puts his arm around Jack and gives him a reassuring hug. They drive off.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. GOTHIC CATHEDRAL - DAY

The cathedral is very elaborate, complete with high arches, stained glass and frescos. Sam kneels at the altar. Natasha, Jack, Janelle, Myra, Ty, Jenny, Pa, Junior, and Vicar are part of a group that makes up a SRO crowd in the pews.

The Cardinal approaches Sam, carrying a gold cross on a chain. The Cardinal bears a look of displeasure.

CARDINAL

Sam Hain, in recognition of your valiant efforts to combat evil, the church would like to award you the golden cross.

The Cardinal reluctantly slips the gold cross around Sam’s neck.

CARDINAL

And for your bravery and personal sacrifice in the ongoing war against the army of darkness, we bestow upon you the title of Witch-Finder General. God be with you.

The Cardinal half heartily blesses Sam. He stands and faces the crowd. Natasha smiles and Jack gives a “thumbs up”. The entire crowd applauds loudly. They give Sam a standing ovation.

The Cardinal gets close to Sam’s ear and whispers to him.

CARDINAL

The church made me give you this award. They may have fallen for you, but I think you are a fraud. I will expose you.

Sam sneers over his shoulder at the Cardinal.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. SAM’S OFFICE - DAY

Sam, Natasha, and Jack are standing in the office. Sam’s shirt is off and Natasha is using a magic marker to change Sam’s pentagram scar into a smiley face.

NATASHA

You can get a plastic surgeon to remove this thing.

SAM

As long as I have this scar, I’ll never forget my mission.

Jack excitedly approaches Sam.

JACK

I can’t wait to start working with you and Natasha. I want to kill me some ghosts and maybe a Frankenstein.

Natasha finishes the smiley face. Sam puts his shirt on.

SAM

There is still much for you to learn.

JACK

Are we going trick or treating tonight?

Sam looks at Natasha. She smiles. Sam looks back to Jack.

SAM

You bet.

Sam rubs Jack on the head. All three share a LAUGH. Sam shuts the office door. It now reads: SINISTER SAM: WITCH-FINDER GENERAL.

FADE OUT:

OOPS, WE ALMOST FORGOT...

FADE IN:

EXT. GRAVEYARD - DAY

CLOSE-UP on Necro’s headstone. PULL BACK to show the graves on either side. The head stone to the left reads: JIMBO SPARKS, and the one to the right bears: BEN ROTHSTEIN. The headstone next to Ben’s is marked with: LORENZO SABLE.

Necro’s LAUGHTER can be heard.

INT. HERMAN’S OFFICE - DAY

A custodial WORKER enters Herman’s office. It is still coated with Herman’s blood and guts. The Worker looks exasperated.

WORKER

You gotta be freakin’ kidding me.

The Worker starts scooping all of Herman’s remains into a bucket.

INT. HERMAN’S OFFICE/STOREROOM - DAY

The Worker enters the storeroom carrying the bucket of Herman’s remains. He looks around to make sure no one is looking, then he dumps the contents into the coffin. The Worker exits.

Inside the coffin, the remains begin to reconstitute themselves into the rough form of a humanoid.

FADE TO BLACK:

THE END?